Catherine writes….

So, I had a retreat day all lined up; plan in place, where to meet, how to get there, how to pick up kids at appropriate time. Then it snowed, not much, just enough for school to be starting late.

Still, off I trotted in my car on a little adventure in the snow.  The roads had all but cleared – amazingly even the side road tracks (like someone had gone ahead and brushed all the snow away). But the countryside was a blanket of white and the snow was lying heavily on the trees, bowing branches, beautiful.  As I got within a mile of the agreed destination, I came across a barrier, complete with keypad. No problem. I’d been warned about the barrier, just drive up to it and it will open.. So I did. Twice, slowly. No movement on barrier and no code to get through in my car. I thought it was a little odd, no mention of this in the instructions, no-one around near the barrier to ask, no intercom to get help…. Because of the snow,  I was a little later than expected, so I rang about 20 people to try and see if they were already there, to see if they could help me get past the barrier.

I spoke to lots of answer phone messages……but no luck in speaking to an actual person, so ditched the car (not literally thankfully) and had to walk.  A mile down the road through the snow, finally arriving at the venue. No-one there. I began to think that I had missed something, a text, or voicemail, an email or Facebook message cancelling…. But the roads were clear, there were no problems with the snow and when I rechecked, no messages. Still the countryside was stunning, so I walked back to the car, a little wet, a little surprised, asking ‘Lord what do you want to say through this……’ I loved the trees, took some pics, thought ‘what a beautiful place this is’, sensed God dancing, saying ‘have some fun, enjoy where I have brought you, make fresh tracks in the snow, I have made you for this adventure.  Just follow me……’

It turned out that I’d been missed out of the communication loop, a new plan had been formed because of the perceived problem of the snow. A new venue, revised times and of course, because the plan was to ‘retreat’, all phones and possibilities of contact were off and closed.

As I reflected on this, I began to see a bigger picture. I thought about the barrier in the road, the perceived problem of the snow, other people not following through on the agreed vision. I thought about how easy it is for some to then be left isolated.  I sensed God saying this is how things are, the vision was there, others didn’t follow where I could have taken them, didn’t step on the adventure, and because they haven’t stepped it has created a barrier/difficulties for you who have.   They are man made barriers, I have cleared the way. Don’t be put off from following what I have said – the obstacles might hold you up a little, you might be stopped for a while, but I called you on this adventure and even though it is more difficult than you might have thought, there is a way.

When big vision is communicated typically three groups of people emerge. One group enthusiastically embraces the vision and they are joined by those who, whilst less excited, nevertheless hear God in the vision and step out on the adventure. The second group are those who agree intellectually and seem to buy in to the vision, but there is no emotional response, no heartfelt commitment. So when problems, real or perceived arise they are quick to amend the process or the outcome of the vision. Of course the last group are those who are ambivalent or opposed to the vision and who throw up obstacles, hoping to keep the status quo.

In this it is like my trip to the retreat. The plan is agreed, the outcome enthusiastically embraced. Some buy into it fully and are prepared to follow through even when obstacles are raised. Others desire the outcome, but are put off the process when faced with challenge. They change the process or the outcome but forget those who left earlier on the full adventure. In the midst of the change, the early adopters, those who willingly follow the full path risk becoming isolated. Just like me on the retreat. At first, I felt I had missed out, missed out because I had followed where led, had followed the agreed vision. When the vision changed I was left in the lurch. But then God said, ‘don’t be disappointed or feel like you got second best, they missed out on adventures with me and they missed out on you, my beloved child.

The truth is that God loves those who take the full adventure and those who don’t, but when we hold back people get hurt and the full blessing that God intended is reduced. He says ’you must fly where I send, you were built for adventure, whether people follow or not I am with you, and I will prepare the way,  I will clear the path.’

Here’s a salutary tale.

Some years ago, when Janet and I had two small children, we decided to have lunch in town one Saturday. With buggy, children and shopping we exploded out of the tiny lift into the cafe area of the shop. It was manic. Everybody it seemed, had also chosen this cafe at this time to have lunch. Eventually we carried our trays to the smallest table in the world and after much juggling of plates, trays, shopping and children, we were ready to eat. By this time there were lots of tears and a bit of frustrated screaming. And the kids weren’t happy either.

Into this mayhem walks a man from another table. He asks ‘can I borrow the mustard?’ and without really waiting for a reply, leans over and takes the jar. At which point, Janet, who hates mustard, shouts across the crowded room ‘NNNOOOO’. I assumed the situation had got to her – as far as I was concerned he could borrow the mustard, the children, my food, the shopping… But it turned out it wasn’t the mustard he had taken. It was one of the kids jars of cold macaroni cheese. Now, at that point, I wished that Janet had quietly nudged me and said ‘watch this’. In my head I could picture the man taking a bite of his gammon steak, anticipating the tang of mustard against the sweetness of the meat… only to have the cloying sensation of cold macaroni cheese instead….

As I savoured this picture, God spoke – ‘that’s just like you.’ It took me a minute to understand. Revelation 3 summed it up. ‘You are neither hot nor cold – you make me sick’.

I, we, are supposed to be the body of Christ, bringing flavour to a tasteless world. The world has the right to see in church the very image of God in Christ. We are called to be the mustard. But too often I, maybe we,  present cold macaroni cheese.

We’ve got this juggernaut of an institution; it eats our money, our time, our gifts, our expertise. We need people to preach, teach, be in the band(s) run the children’s work, the youth programme, look after the buildings, man the sound-desk. We need people to run the coffee bar, do the admin, maintain the web-site, write the magazine. We need money for the staff salaries, the mortgage, the infrastructure, the legal fees, insurance, the minibus.

We run Sunday School and youth programmes to educate and entertain our kids, we have men’s meetings, women’s meetings, senior’s meetings, parent’s meetings, singles holidays. We have marriage courses, parenting courses, alpha courses, beta courses and courses to train leaders to start new versions of the same.

In a typical ‘large’ church more than 75% of the finances go on the maintaining the organisation and fabric. Less than 25% on anything external to the church itself. Fewer than 10% of the people are actively engaged in any form of connection outside the church – they have no time or energy for it after their service to the church itself. Tragically fewer than 10% of the people who could reasonably be expected to be reached, are actually reached. That’s 90% of those who could be seeing the light, continuing to walk in darkness.

Church is supposed to be the visible expression of Jesus. Instead it has become invisible to most, hidden like a black hole, sucking all life into it and giving little out.

Macaroni cheese instead of mustard.

How have we let this happen? How have we allowed that life transforming moment we experienced at conversion and in those early days to be eroded into what now satisfies? Maybe the problem is that we have experienced too little of the mustard ourselves. We’ve been feasting on the cold macaroni cheese for so long that we’ve mistaken it for the mustard.

Isn’t this at the heart of the problem? We have experienced so little of the transforming love of God in our lives that it is impossible – or seems hypocritical – to talk to others about it – let alone to demonstrate it. We are full of head knowledge, we’ve read of it happening elsewhere or have heard about it at conferences. But we haven’t personally experienced it, or at least not recently… We know the Bible stories, we enjoy the songs, the sense of camaraderie and purpose. Church as it has become presses a number of our buttons, but as for root and branch transformation, as for that gut-wrenching “I once was dead but now I am alive” moment, the tank is empty. So week in, week out we keep going back for a top-up of the slightly less than ordinary, fuelling us for another week of serving the church…

How do we get back to that first love, to that authentic expression of church?  Jesus said that ‘he who is forgiven much, loves much’. Maybe a starting place would be to fast from the macaroni cheese for a while, to spend less time at church or serving church and to use the time we save before God, reminding ourselves of the depth of our sinful nature, the extent of our forgiveness… Lets be honest, when was the last time we wept over our deceitfulness, our selfish motives, the depravity which is only a heartbeat away? When did we last understand from the depth of our being that Jesus died for us, that without that we are truly and deservedly dead? When did we last experience the overwhelming love that God has for us, his yearning for our presence, his longing for our briefest response? The broken-heartedness of  a father who has lost his son because he would not turn around into his embrace?

That’s what changes us. Nothing else. It’s what keeps the change from being eroded. It’s what impels us to speak of his love, to give it, to share it. That’s true freedom, abandon into the Father’s arms. Either he catches us or we die. That’s real liberty!

It’s communities of people changed in that way that is church – and against it, the very powers of  hell will not prevail.

Mustard, not cold macaroni cheese. Church, not institution. Life, not death.